Willy Wonka and the Candy Warriors
by Piker's Girl
Summary: It was a regular tour in the factory till news that Wonka's competitors wanted war! Now they must fight to gain a large sum of chocolate and become an heir to a chocolate factory! Can they stop the evil about to destory Wonka's empire?


Chapter One: Prologue: The beginning of Insanity

As we know so far Willy Wonka had started a contest to find five lucky children to come to his delightfully odd chocolate factory. I'm guessing you are asking yourself, what could be so great about a chocolate factory, other than the fact that the children were going to take a lifetime of chocolate home to rot their teeth silly out, especially if you're a fat little boy who does nothing but eat! I'm not one to judge. Right now we're focusing on one thing right now and you know what that is? I'm not sure either other than right now Wonka has just shown them his chocolate room and that's where we start.

The group of children had just stepped into the main attraction of the factory where sweet smells of fresh marshmallow, chocolate, and many other tempting fragrances. The sight was even better than the smell guiding your gut. A chocolate waterfall, giant trippy looking mushrooms, bright spring green grass, and taffy trees that hung down like willows by ponds and all edible and too beautiful to eat. The children would probably drown in their drool if the childish Willy Wonka didn't want them to feast what was before them. The children started to run about the place to devour whatever was there for them.

"Please enjoy yourself!" Willy Wonka shouted at the children and went about. The parents looked stupefied at what was before them and how such a man could create such a thing. It hadn't even been fifteen minutes before they started to chow down before another unusual sight had been seen. A tiny strange man came up to Wonka in a hurry. It didn't even take barely a tug for him to notice them.

"You have a problem. It would be better if this was discussed in your office!" The tiny man said sternly. Wonka raised his hand to grab the children as well as their parent's attention. Charlie, a young poor boy that got lucky with getting a gold ticket at all, and I'm betting we're all wondering how that happened at this point that or have at least questioned it. I mean look at Veruca she had nearly opened probably a million to get the one she obtained. But back to the story Charlie looked at his grandfather in excitement to what Wonka would say.

"There has been some complications my children, but I shall return till then I have more surprises!" Wonka assured the children.

"What?" Augustus asked with a mouth filled full like a chubby cheeked squirrel that just stuffed his mouth full of nuts or even acorns. Who knows unless you take a look. Wonka signaled the tiny man to come back to start the next. Wonka threw out his empty hand. All the sudden an army of tiny men came out and positioned themselves accordingly about the place.

"Please enjoy my personal entertainers "The Oompa Loompas!" Wonka shouted.

"What kind of band are they? They sound amateur!" Mike T.V asked. By the way if your not sure of who Mike T.V is. Here is our interpretation of who he is. This boy had his brain sucked out at an early age to join the cult of violent games and brain numbing television. He took it so seriously that the cult gave him the name Mike T.V it was better than Mork and Mindy.

"That is what they are called! Much like you and I are human! Stop being so racist!" wonka said then flicked him on the forehead.

"Are they aliens?" Violet asked. Wonka became vexed by such weird questions. Oh yeah Violet for those who don't know her. She is an over obsessed gum chewer. When she isn't chewing her gum she sticks it behind her ear! NOW YOU KNOW!

"Aliens! You kids make me laugh! I must be going now! Please start!" Wonka signaled the tiny men to start their morally induced catchy songs to the children and the parents to be embarrassed by how truthful their words are.

Wonka was worried that would give away what might happen later in the story. Hopefully it is something they saw off the television and not looking into the future with some weird gizmo to be used by candy means, but is abused such as Mike T.V and his wanting to be a tiny person, well that shouldn't have been given away. I hope he didn't hear that.

Wonka walked into his office into confusion of the situation that had gone and worried the poor tiny people to pieces.

"Now what has interrupted the tour and please be quick!" Wonka said irritated by his coco bean psycho loving Oompa loompas.

"I'm sorry, but we have word that one of your competitor's declared war on this factory!" An Oompa loompa tried to whisper to keep the other loompas from going insane and burning couches again much like the first time that never happened. Wonka felt outraged by this and didn't want to keep it quiet even if it meant they burnt up couched though most of the couches they burnt were the neighbors.

"It would be better if we didn't let this go to your head. We have fighter planes to combat them!" A Loompa said calmly.

Wonka ran out to see what the children were up to and to his surprise the Oompa Loompas he put in charge of entertainment ran out of things to sing so they sat there talking to some of the parents and laughing at Augustus about to drown in his chocolate pool and being stuffed like a turkey full of Wonka's delights. Wonka pulled on Augustus's collar of his shirt to pull him back from being sucked into his chocolate river and slapped the Oompa loompa for not wanting to stop him.

"No drowning in my river today fat boy! You would be able to fall in my chocolate river if something terrible didn't snake its way into what could have been a half ass day!" Wonka shouted and threw the boy back on the ground.

The rest of the children ran over after they heard Wonka curse. A man Charlie thought a god or maybe even more had turned into a twisted insane man, but why? Wonka turned to a frightened Charlie as if he had just read the child's mind. He had a large scary grin posted on his face. Wonka threw up his hands in rage. The cane more like an attachment of his arm now whacked around in the air like a crazy old man chasing children out of his yard.

"Children listen to me and listen closely if you will! Fun time is over, sorry to have had to cut it short, but certain bitter dark chocolaty forces are at hand here!" Wonka shouted on the top of his lungs to the kids.

"So you plan on sending us home without the prize you promised?" One of parents yelled.

"Of course not! They must fight for their prize now!" Wonka excitedly shouted. Mrs. Gloop became appalled to hear her little boy would have to fight to obtain a large sum of candy.

"I saved his life so he owes me that much Mrs.Gloop!" Wonka said irritated to know that his fat ass could have tainted his chocolate!

"He's not great at running though!" Mrs. Gloop protested. Veruca came forward like a maddened ox.

"If I have to work for my prize than I'm leaving!" Veruca stamped her feet violently toward Wonka.

"You're a rich girl! Maybe not clever, but rich! Use your money to buy an army or something!" Wonka said and clapped his hands to his brilliant idea. All the sudden a giant vibration rumbled under beneath their feet. Wonka held his hat as the others tried to keep themselves still and from any sudden death.

"Oh no were going to die!" Mrs. T.V shouted. Wonka started to laugh hysterically.

"THE WAR HAS BEGUN!" Wonka shouted while he still held his hat.

"I'm gonna die in a chocolate factory!" Mr. Salt screamed.

"We will triumph my candy warriors and we will be victorious! I want my competitors heads on silver platters and we will eat them deep fried and chocolate dipped drizzled with white chocolate!" Wonka shouted.

"You should come out with a similar product after this whole thing is done! It's sounds delicious!" Augustus said practically drooling. Wonka jumped to the thought and praised him fully.

"And your right it will be delicious! It will sell thousands, but back to the subject! We will rein supreme in the chocolate business and become richer and better for the community! Not any of that low fat crap they try to sell you fat bastards!" Now get out there and kill them Nazi chocolate destroyers I call competition!" Wonka shouted then got a wave going through the crowd like it was a concert for Woodstock.

The Oompa Loompas now played their loud repulsive music that shook the walls with their large surround sound system. Confetti, fireworks, and even some Hooters waitress babes hired by Wonka to shoot t-shirts out of bazooka's that said " I find Wonka's chocolate sexy!" then Wonka ordered them to stop shooting t-shirts so he could get a picture with them before they leave. An Oompa loompa told them squeeze in the picture. Everyone is betting that Wonka has had some erotic fantasy that danced through his head as he had the two blondes by him. They left after the picture was shot. Now I'm betting he wished he hired them overtime. Oh well. Charlie started to cling to his grandpa scared by the odd antics that he was being surrounded by.

"Grandpa we should leave!" Charlie said frightened. The scary grin that Wonka gave earlier became indented in his mind. I'm guessing his dream was shattered when a man you adored has turned psycho choco killer and plus on top of that even turned on the killer instincts of his followers.

"Yeah Charlie I think we should! I'm not eating deep fried head with chocolate even if he payed me!" Grandpa Joe said full of energy and hatred for how he turned on the children. Just then Wonka popped out of nowhere and scared the hell of them. Charlie gasped in fright when he saw the newly drawn war symbols on his face.

"Going somewhere Charlie Bucket?" wonka said like a crazed lunatic in a deep voice then stared at Grandpa Joe and thrusted toward them a giant knife AS SEEN ON T.V! Actually he watched an Oompa Loompa play silent hill and wanted the giant knife that Pyramid Head had in his hand and ordered it off Ebay. It didn't come till a week ago. He was so excited from what we heard from an Oompa! The lights suddenly gone out and Wonka presumed a Rambo like suspicion. Screams were heard from the scared parents. A light busted out of nowhere. It seemed like alienshad landed and threw the door the ground in a loud thump. Men in black suits and giant guns started to infiltrate his factory.

"It's them!" Wonka whispered as he now hid behind Charlie who looked behind him embarrassed to now know this man.

"We come for you Wonka!" Slugworth shouted and did a Nazi like salute.

Prodnose stood second in command and Ficklegruber in third. Though they all have plans to later on kill each other off. Prodnose is noted as nosy one then there is Ficklegruber is always changing his mind. You know like what weapon he decides to kill Wonka with. The Walther P.38 or the Colt 45 and last is Slugworth just as the name reads. He has a sluggy like dexterity under his skin. I guess he is considered alien because we all know his skin looks fake. I mean look at that scar on his face only an anime like Trigun would have made up stuff like that. This is real life after all!

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Wonka pushed Charlie forward to the scary scarred man that now stand in front of them. Charlie planted his feet firm on the ground so he wouldn't be able to budge any further though the friction on his cheap shoes doesn't help much. When Charlie came face to face with Slugworth the boy became uncomfortable and shaken. Slugworth felt his fear as if he was a wolf on the prow.

"Boo!" Slugworth said.

Charlie jumped something that seemed almost fifty feet in the air and didn't come down. His fingers dug into the ceiling. Wonka looked up at the ceiling probably with the same thought as all of us. When is coming down and how is he able to stay up there so long? Now Wonka stood face to face with the man he wishes to deep-fry and dip in chocolate. Slugworth's face had a grin that curled evilly and mischievously.

"If you do not give into our demands we will have war and not on Halo much like the kids like today! I mean the war that is going on now in Iraq except this will have real explosions and real death! Not a lady telling us the report of a fake battle that isn't really happening!" Slugworth sternly said.

"But you just said Iraq was a fake battle!" Wonka corrected.

"But I also said a lady reported there is a battle over there going on much like the game tournaments that happens in a kids basement for Halo!" Slugworth explained.

"What does this have to do with our battle?" Wonka asked.

"Absolutely nothing! I like Halo and watching the news about Iraq!" Slugworth replied. Wonka stood up weirded out by his odd competitor.

"Look out Wonka!" Augustus shouted. Wonka looked back to see Prodnose about to attack him from behind with a spinning flaming Oompa Loompa that came from a human sized bow.

"No fair your using my own men against me!" Wonka dodged the flaming Oompa Loompa that eventually hit a wall and got the fire put out by a bucket of chocolate.

"You shouldn't have left them lying around!" Prodnose exclaimed.

"It's not my fault there are so many of them!" Wonka shouted in rage and then pointed out the field of Oompas around them.

"Oh…. awkward! It feels like they are constantly starring at you where ever you go! How can someone go to the bathroom without thinking they're looking at you on the toilet?" Prodnose questioned. Wonka once again pointed to the tiny men.

"We don't like what you just said!" An Oompa Loompa said as millions on millions came in on Prodnose like Zombies and caved in on him. He started scream when the little men put a finger on him. He fought them away, but almost didn't get away. They tugged and pushed him rapidly about. His head his hit the ground. All seemed a lost cause for this candy maker when look it was Ficklegruber with a laser gun that threw the tiny men to and fro. Prodnose was happy with tears as he kicked away the tiny men. A sparkle could be seen in Ficklegruber eyes when he held his partners hand.

"You came for me! You must really love me!" Prodnose cried.

"I wouldn't have came for you if I didn't!" Ficklegruber said happily and came in with a hardy hug.

"Best friends forever?" Prodnose asked.

"You know it!" Ficklegruber replied.

"I love you!" Prodnose said.

"Me too!" Ficklegruber cried. Wonka and Slugworth felt repulsed by this very odd slash couple. Their tongues hung out as if they watched an overly gushy film from the fifties.

"Grossssss!" wonka shouted at the two lovebirds.

"You can do it! You can do it all night long!" Mr. Salt shouted with laughter.

"Get a room already!" Slugworth said with his arms crossed and looked away from the two he will later kill. Maybe they can get a room in heaven if Hell doesn't separate them.

What will happen next? Stay tuned for the next exciting episode of Willy Wonka and the Candy Warriors!


End file.
